(DISCLAIMER: As an relatively nice human being, I do not force entry, vandalize, steal, or disclose means of entry or location if it isn't obvious. I do this to protect locations and respect them. Trespass without forced entry is a civil offense rather than a criminal one, which isn't worth acting on unless one causes damage, steals, has ill intent, etc. I simply photograph and leave everything as I find it. I do not condone breaking and entering, and I do not condone what I do. I'm a danger to myself and a terrible role model, and I've got no friends.)
There's a tiny Shropshire village that I visited with my accomplice, Brother Michael, so called because he likes to pretend to be a monk. It's sort of like crossdressing, but with holy robes. Don't judge him!
Anyway, out in this tiny rural Shropshire village, the villagers are tremendously excited- The Beatles latest album has just come out, and nobodies been accused of witchcraft for nearly ten years. In their midst is this abandoned house, and because it's a tiny Shropshire village, everyone knew about the former occupant. While I was researching this, the villagers said he was a lovely guy. But unknown to them, his former home had given in to the elements and was wide open for adventurers. Luckily, it doesn't seem to have been pillaged by urban explorers yet.
So as always I won't be giving away the exact location, means of entry, name of the former occupant, or anything else that could endanger the property and disrespect this memorial to the former occupants life. And I ask that anyone who sees this blog and recognises the house does the same. In the past, when I've written about abandoned houses, people on the internet, usually in Facebook groups, will ask "Where is it?" and I'll either ignore them or tell them that I don't disclose locations, and often someone will completely undermine that and comment underneath me with the exact location. It's really annoying. If people can't respect the house, respect my decision and efforts to respect the house. Please.
And with that out of the way, let's slip inside.
So this house is actually a terrace, but only one was lived in recently, that being the one I'm currently displaying. Of the other houses, only one was available to get inside, the others being sealed. I don't force entry, so those particular houses will remain untouched and undocumented.
My sources of information on this house and its former occupant are the very friendly villagers, who I questioned after the adventure. Allegedly it's all owned by a large estate that hasn't done anything with it. The former occupant was born in this house, and presumably lived here throughout his entire life. The house was not fit for purpose by modern standard, lacking even running water. Presumably the occupant struggled to stay on top of the maintenance. He was, apparently, very old and alone, so thats understandable. But around 2016 he was forced to leave due to the house not being fit for purpose, and he went into a nursing home where, assuming the care industry hasn't changed a bit, he spent the rest of his life listening to carers talk about their relationship problems, and gossip, without any regard for his presence even as they serve him food. But he had running water finally, so there is that.
I actually had to be really stealthy as I made my way around this house. It's in a village, and it's right in view of a number of houses. Had I lingered in front of any windows, there would have been a good chance of being spotted. And since the villagers all knew each other, they'd be sure to know that I wasn't from around here.
While the occupant lived here alone, the villagers only have nice things to say about him. He was always smiling, and he would chat for hours. He also kept chickens and geese.
Allegedly around five years ago he fell prey to a gold digger, who used him for his money. However, he refused to let others speak badly of her, and even fell out with his family over her.
In the years following the departure of the gold digger, and prior to his admission to a care home, he allegedly became incredibly lonely and would frequently call the emergency services over little things, just to fill the void in his life.
It's very sad, and for some, a horrifying view of the future.
As always a surprising amount of belongings have been left behind. I've been to plenty of similar abandoned homes, such as Cloud House, Calcott Hall, and Vanity House, and I treat them with the same level of respect, but this time feels different, because this time I've got the story to back up the house, and it adds a lot more depth and character.
The upstairs was still furnished too.
The presence of a shower chair upstairs is odd, because the house lacks a bathroom. The garden does have a privy, with a toilet in, and some of my sources in the village claim to have seen a bottle of water in there, with a cork in it, tilted and positioned at such an angle that they've assumed it was for usage as a shower. So having a shower chair upstairs is a little contradictory.
There's a mattress up here but no bed. Perhaps the occupant only had a mattress.
There's also a stuffed dinosaur in this box.
Onto the cellar!
It's clear that nobody has come down here for some time. It's possible the occupier was unable to.
There's an old bed frame propped up against the wall, and a bird cage on the table. It's pretty mysterious, and reminds me of the cellar of Christmas Cottage, when I first visited it. Back then, like this place, the bird cage was in the cellar. In the Christmas Cottage, the bird cage was taken upstairs, and later someone put a dead pigeon in there to make it look like the owners had abandoned a dead bird. This house, however, retains its authenticity and is still creepy.
But as stated, there was a second house on the terrace that was accessible. However, this one had been unoccupied for over twenty years.
There's some clutter in the kitchen area and hallway.
However the lounge is completely bare.
Natures creeping in. The whole set up reminds me even more of the Christmas Cottages, one of which is empty and the other which is furnished, and constantly
rearranged on every visit, and as the name suggests, some urban explorer
has decorated it with Christmas decorations.
There are no
Christmas decorations here, but the contrast between one abandoned but
furnished house, right next to one of similar design thats completely
empty, did remind me of those two cottages.
Speaking of the Christmas Cottage, on my most recent visit, it was now covered in swastikas. Personally, I think even Hitler would cringe if he saw that his legacy was idiots scribbling the swastika on abandoned cottages, but who cares how he feels? According to the mail in the Christmas Cottage mailbox, the houses actual name is Flower Patch, not Christmas Cottage or Dream Cottage (not sure why that one caught on online), so I guess I should probably start refering to it as such.
Personally I found the upstairs of this house pretty eerie, but there wasn't much to see.
That's all that the house had to offer, but the adventure didn't end there! The house sits on quite a large plot of land, and there were plenty of out houses!
Curiously this building, which is about the size of a shed and consisting of just one room, has a door number and a mailbox. It's a little hidden and doesn't even face the street. Any mail deliverer is going to struggle to find it unless they have the same deliverer every day.
Was there once an occupant? Did the door originate in another building?
The contents of this building are a sink and a fridge.
The privy is almost hidden by the overgrown garden, but it contains a pretty standard toilet.
It's in better condition than some of the toilets in pubs and clubs.
And there's still toilet roll!
The mysterious bottle believed by the villagers to provide a shower function is absent.
Also present in the garden is the remains of a pig sty, although whether the last occupant kept pigs is unknown. Presumably the house was built with the intention, but the house does predate the last occupant, so it's likely it was a redundant feature by the time he lived here. But also visible in this picture is the neighbours house, which is considerably more modern. At a guess, I would say that this house wasn't originally part of the village at all, but the village expanded into it.
On the surface, most of the sheds are as bleak as you'd expect. The lack of overgrowth, in comparisson to the pig sty, indicates far more recent usage. According to the villagers, the man who lived here did keep hens and geese, but I have no idea what became of them when he moved out.
The final shed, however, did surprise us. The title of the blog does give it away though, so let's just dive in.
On the back wall of the shed are loads of pictures of naked ladies, which led us initially to believe that this was a mans masturbation shed. We assumed he would slip down here under the pretense that he was tending to his geese and chickens, when in reality he was tending to a different kind of cock.
Most peculiar, however, is that the villagers knew about it! When questioned, the occupant would claim that this wasn't his, and that had a "business partner" who he sold eggs with, and that it was his business partners pleasure shack.
It sounds like a really bad excuse, but the more I think about it, the more it actually makes sense. If the occupant lived alone in a house, why would he need to do this out in the garden? He's got nobody to hide from.
And personally, if one of my friends or work colleagues asked me if they could use my shed as a wanking cupboard, I'd be a little confused but as long as they cleaned up after themselves, I'd probably not have an issue.
And he did keep chickens, so selling eggs is totally plausible. Imagine if one day his friend just said to him "I'll help you sell some eggs," and the occupant, who is a lonely old man, is totally up for having someone to sell eggs with, and replies "Would you like a cut of the profit?" His friend then says "No, just let me use your shed for some alone time when I'm frustrated, and we'll call it even."
Sounds like a sweet deal!
But whatever the story behind the pleasure shack, let's not judge the man. The villagers all seem to think highly of him, and I'd hate for my blog to ruin his reputation. Remember, he's only human. Let's not judge him.
Also present in the masturbation shed are various other objects, including a telephone and a chimney brush.
And that's all I got on this house, but I do have some interesting news, and thats that we're strongly considering branching out onto Youtube. I think it was always a long term dream to do so, but now it's closer to being real. The blog production has hit a hiccup recently, but luckily given the nature of the backlog, you'll find out about roughly fourteen blogposts from now, which hopefully gives me enough time to sort it out. However, I've chosen to use this hiccup as an opportunity, and this opportunity has, indirectly, made me think "Fuck it" to getting onto Youtube.
I briefly considered Tumblr too, but thankfully that was only briefly. Looking at Tumblr is the optic equivalent of swallowing a cactus.
Anyway, that's all I've got for today. My next blog post is back in Shrewsbury and it'll be scratching a major itch. In the mean time, follow my Instagram, my Twitter, and like me on Facebook.
And as always if you know anyone who is having a hard time, or struggling, do what you can to turn their day around. All around us are these emotionally inarticulate people who won't reach out and say that they are feeling down, and end up with a noose around their neck. But each of us has the power to see the signs, to be there for people, and to make someone have a good day. To make someone have a bad day is a massive misuse of that power. And you know who else misused their power? That's right, Hitler! Don't be like Hitler, be awesome!
Thanks for reading!